Friday, November 23, 2012

Planting Doubts

"I'm sorry but just being there isn't enough."
"Maybe not for you."
"I don't think you understand..."

Maybe you don't. In case you haven't noticed, we are two completely different people. What makes you feel happy and loved might not be the same for me. You need to understand that, rather than try and force on me what you think is right.

You know what? I was happy. For the past couple weeks, I have felt loved, valued and content. But now, thanks to you planting the idea in my head that is isn't enough, I'm questioning and doubting how things are.

It's a vicious circle. I say to myself that I shouldn't change my opinion or feelings because of something you've said. Then there's another part of me that takes you seriously and asks, "Are you sure you're happy?" and I can't answer with certainty anymore because I'm unsettled by the possibility of there being doubt in the first place. I'm upset with myself for losing that happiness and on the flip side I'm upset because a small part of me considers that it was faux in the first place which angers me even more.

As soon as I've ordered my own thoughts and motives, I'll confront what it is you believe to be wrong. I need to make sure that its me, not anyone else, making the decision. Hopefully rest will help.


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